The Book Drop Mic with Jason Wright

Ashley Boyson: One Day: A child's journey through grief and loss

• Jason Wright • Season 2 • Episode 2

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Buy Ashley's book:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0990481077

Learn more about Ashley:
https://www.themomentswestand.com/

Learn more about Jason:
http://www.jasonfwright.com

About the book:
You never expect to lose your cheerleader. You never think that one day the one who always told you that you were born for greatness, wouldn't be there to watch you become it. This is a story about a young child who lost someone really special to them, and their journey through the emotions that followed. A story of sad times and happy memories that become a wave of the grief and trauma associated with losing someone you love. And the triumph on the other side of the pain and realizing they will be with you forever.

To all the kids who have lossed someone they love. You are not alone. There are so many who have navigated this lonely journey. You will get through this. It will be hard, but you will be carried and come out stronger on the other side. Nobody can ever replace what you have lost, but there are so many people who can love you and help you through this new chapter without them.

I hope this book brings you comfort and warms your heart as you face these new emotions and find ways to work through them. You are never alone. May your angels be close and may you feel the strength and courage they will bring as they cheer you on from the other side.

This podcast is brought to you by InkVeins, your source for book publicity, promo, press releases and more. Text 540-212-4095 for more information.

Speaker 1:

Hello there Once again, my friends, welcome to the Book Drop, mike. As a reminder, we are brought to you by Ink Veins, your source for publicity, promo and press releases, and this is Jason Wright. And, by the way, is there someone that you would like for me to have on the show? Please message us, tell me who you'd like to hear from. We love suggestions and, by the way, if you are an author with a new book out or coming, that suggestion could very well be you. So do not be afraid to reach out and recommend yourself as a guest on the show.

Speaker 1:

So I met today's guest, oh boy, for the first time, at least a decade ago, maybe more, at least a decade ago, maybe more. She's the author of a blog and book series called the Moment we Stand, where she talks about her family's journey of healing after just the most unbelievable trial that you can imagine, and she'll talk briefly about that in a moment. She has shared this story, her story, her journey on Dateline and Dr Phil and all kinds of the shows and platforms. She's followed by many thousands of people around the world and her name is Ashley Boyson. Ashley, how are you?

Speaker 2:

I'm great. How are?

Speaker 1:

you so well. Hey, when did we first meet? I know it was in Boise, right At a speaking gig 2014.

Speaker 1:

Wow, we are getting old. We are, and you've been so kind. Every time I've come through the area You've popped into a signing and I've met your wonderful husband and your kids or at least some of your kids through the years, and it's always nice when I'm in Boise I make sure that Ashley knows I'm around, and so it's been fun to at least intersect a few times here and there over the years. And I'll just say, of all the people I've had on the first show and on this show and people that I've posted about, I've written about you for Fox and Deseret News and LDS Living and all sorts of outlets have carried different content that I've created on you through the years. I don't know that I've met anyone or written about anybody whose story is as complicated in that it is inspiring, it is heartbreaking, it is courageous, it is all the things. You are all the things at once.

Speaker 1:

You're a pretty rare soul and I'm so happy to have you on the show and to talk about your brand new book. It're a pretty rare soul and I'm so happy to have you on the show and to talk about your brand new book. It's a children's book. It's called One Day A Child's Journey Through Grief and Loss. Before we get to that, there might be someone listening. It's unlikely, right, ashley? But there might be someone listening who has no idea who you are, so what do they need to know about you?

Speaker 2:

Oh, they need to know. Well, first, I'm a mom of seven now and that's really my focus right now. But also when my fifth child was a baby, my husband was murdered and that's kind of the moment that made all of this. I was really like a mom who just wanted to be a mom and a wife and I was put in the spotlight in a very weird way that, um, I would have never chosen, I would have never actually chosen any spotlights, honestly, um, but it's been.

Speaker 2:

But it's been a journey of after his infidelity and murder. It's been a journey of healing that I thought I was doing alone until God asked me to write a blog and share and say it out loud. Like, honestly, I was content shoving it under the rug and never talking about it ever again and forgetting. That was kind of my family's generational coping is just, let's shove it under the rug and move forward, and that's what the journey I was planning on. And God had a different plan for this story and for me and he knew that in it I would find healing.

Speaker 1:

And that's beautifully said, and as someone who has consumed so much of your content through the years, it is, I think, so beautiful that you have taken unbelievable grief and pain and turn that into a blessing for so many people through your books and blog and videos and speaking gigs through the years. I mean so many people have been directly blessed. Their lives changed forever as a result of hearing your story. What does that mean to you? How does that make you feel?

Speaker 2:

Well, first it makes me feel very, I guess, humbled and overwhelmed, because I know the backstory and it was more like I got to be a voice for Heavenly Father because he asked me to. So I know that it wasn't anything grand that I did, except for listen to him. But it also makes me feel very happy that I've had so many people say like I know you know Jesus, like the way you write, there's no way you don't. And as I read, I felt him in my story and I have seen his hand in my life, his hand in my life, and that the bottom line, if nothing else, in this whole life of mine. I'm so grateful that I've had an opportunity to feel what that feels like for people to say because you were brave enough to share this unique story and open your mouth in a way that you never wanted to, I feel Jesus in my life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's pretty remarkable. And, I should add, it's not just people like me who have been perhaps through some trying times, but nothing even remotely close to what you've been through. But it's not just people like me who have found inspiration. No-transcript. You've done some events with these folks, people whose lives have been changed in pretty dramatic ways as well, and I think you've sort of become I don't know how do we say this A mom, a leader, a cheerleader, an organizer, a CEO of this army of people who've been through really, really hard things, who also want to share their stories with the world.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, it's been really cool to, I guess, reach out. Some people have reached out to me and I reached out to them, especially when I was really doing a lot of conferences before COVID and these last two babies. It's been so cool to, I guess. Okay, so I would call myself.

Speaker 2:

When I was in elementary, junior high, middle school, all the all the high school, I was kind of a gatherer like mainly because I hated when people were alone or looked sad and I would, I don't know.

Speaker 2:

I could like feel what they were going through when, if I just looked over at them, I'm like no, you're not gonna be sad, you come with us and we're all going to be friends and we're not going to do this alone. Even when I was the new girl, I was kind of just gathering people and that's kind of how it's been with with this journey. I see people hurting in their own space and I've been there and I thought I was alone and I felt so isolated and alone I didn't even know how to reach out for a long time. But those opportunities have just brought people together and just like this giant hug and in a giant room and just for me. It's been a gift to my soul to know that I'm not alone, and I know that that's been the experience of people who have come to connect. Because, even though we're all connected virtually that in-person embrace and sitting in a room full of warriors, that you can just feel the strength there's nothing like it.

Speaker 1:

It's really a gift of empathy, right? It's your ability to look at someone and to feel what they're feeling and then to help them feel seen and loved and lifted and in all the things. Well, we could end right here and I think people would have enjoyed the discussion, but we're here to talk about your children's book, which was news to me, I must admit. When you texted me the other day, I was like, oh my goodness, I had no idea that you had this new book out. So tell us about the book, and I know there's a special mission behind it, so talk about that.

Speaker 2:

So, okay, I'm going to make this quick to just get to how this book came to be. But the movie Onward came out years ago and my son, who was a tiny baby when his dad was killed, watched this movie and connected so much to the character that he ended up in therapy for like two years. And while I was taking him to therapy, I was, I was listening, I was watching, I was watching my other kids all through this journey of healing. I was bringing people to these conferences and hearing their stories and and um, one day it was just like everybody's voice came out on paper and I just started writing and I wrote this book in probably 10 minutes and it took many years to figure out what I wanted to do with it. I didn't even know for sure what I wanted to do with it.

Speaker 2:

Um, and then my daughter when she was in an eating disorder facility years ago, I needed, like I kept praying, she needs some sort of purpose, she needs some. And I felt this like send her the book. And I'm like I don't even know where I put that book. I've literally written it on paper. So I went through all my stuff, found the book and I sent, I typed it up and sent her a copy and I said I need an illustrator. You're the artist who's supposed to do this. And it took her a long time because she said part of her healing was drawing these pictures of her and her dad and her siblings with their dad and different people in our family. So she took these experiences that we had photographed and turned it into the pictures that are now in this book. So it really became this, I guess, uniting of my healing of writing and hers of drawing, and she finally finished this summer.

Speaker 2:

She went through some really hard stuff and I kept feeling it again tell her to finish the drawings and she did. And yeah, so I asked her first from the very beginning. I knew I always get little glimpses of the cover and different things when I'm working on a book and sometimes I write them down in the middle of the night. But this one I just knew it couldn't have faces on in the pictures and it couldn't have color, and I think that was coming back way from my child development. Major Color can can really create emotion for people and for me, when I see someone's face and I know they're sad, it can tell me how they're feeling and I feel that way.

Speaker 2:

So I didn't want to have a book that told kids when you lose someone you love, look at this picture and it will tell you how to feel. I wanted this to be a book that really opened them up to conversations. And the coolest thing is, as people are starting to get this book, I'm getting stories. Even my neighbor her kids lost their grandparents and she said they read the book and then we talked for hours. It was like it just opened up all of their emotions and questions. But that's the whole purpose of the book. It really is.

Speaker 2:

I tried to create it so it wasn't just about a kid and their dad. It's about a kid and their big brother or their big sister or their grandparents someone they're connected to their whole life that now is gone. So they can go through the grief process with this book and they can think about different things that can happen and all of it can be okay. Those emotions don't have to be held inside, because look at the kid in this book. Oh my gosh. They felt that too In the middle of the night, when they're scared. They felt it too, like all the things that come up through the stages of grief for kids. I want them to know it's okay, because I didn't even know, as a parent, that it was all okay when my kids were going through it. So what I'm hoping is it's a tool for parents to go hey, let's talk about this Instead of shoving it under the rug. We're going to put it out in the light and see if it'll feel better.

Speaker 1:

I love the style. I love the sketch pencil art. It's sparse and I love I had no idea that was true about color. It makes sense Now that you say it it's like, oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense the difference between you doing something perhaps in black and white and color. But I love that. It invites us to put ourselves into the picture, even the faces. And you know, what's interesting is you were talking, I was thinking about this.

Speaker 1:

I did a pretty significant number of schools around my book, scar Dakota in November. I did a load of schools in a particular school district where I was talking to. You know a couple thousand kids a day and and I would often ask how many of you have lost someone that you love. And these are kids all the way down to like third grade, third through kind of seventh grade, which is kind of the target of this particular tour.

Speaker 1:

And so many hands go in the air when you say have you lost a parent, have you lost a sibling, have you lost a grandmother or grandfather or a teacher? I had some kids that raised their hand for teachers and administrators and school bus drivers and aunts and uncles and all the things and and they. They get it like this. This idea that I mean I remember, as I've said anyone that's followed me knows that I lost my dad when I was in high school and I remember that night is clearly I mean, it's been 30, whatever years I remember the night my father died as clearly as if it were last night. Right, and I'm certain you feel that way about the night that you got that knock at the door telling you how you know your husband was gone and your world was going to change forever.

Speaker 1:

Those memories are crystal clear and I think sometimes with kids, we assume, well, you know, they're young and it's foggy, and they're going to grow up and they're going to grow out of it and they're not going to remember all these things. That's not true. I mean, kiddos are so tuned in emotionally, and not just from what they're experiencing themselves, but also what they're pulling in from their parents, right? I mean, I'm sure that your kids were impacted by the grief they were seeing you go through.

Speaker 2:

Totally. Or the avoidance that I would go into and try to pretend everything didn't happen. And you know we model behaviors and we also have emotions sometimes that we don't even realize our kids are picking up on. That can really affect them. Or the not talking about it can really affect them, because then they're afraid to speak up.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's interesting, I think, about kind of what I was going through when my father died and I think, wow, a lot of my pain actually in retrospect, was watching my mother go through the loneliness and depression and sadness and depression. And just processing all of that wasn't just my own sense of loss but it was, you know, living under the same roof with a mom who is going through in many ways something far more challenging than what I was. Who listening right now needs this book in their home? Let me ask you the reverse who doesn't need this? Is there anyone out there listening right now that you think maybe not now, maybe not yet?

Speaker 2:

It was a whole group of grown adults and he said everyone was bawling because all of us have lost somebody or if we haven't like, it's crazy because there's so many amazing people in our lives that we're going to lose someday. So, honestly, I thought it was for kids, but I think it's for all of us. I think as I read it and put myself in the shoes of that young kid and think about losing grandparents and different people there's and there's different times. Those emotions are triggered, you know, because loss is permanent and, whether we've kind of moved on or not, some things are going to remind us about loss and there's going to be times where a bunch of traumas happen all at once, and even recently. Like this doesn't have to do with this book, but I'm going to talk about it for a second. My son was in an accident with a lawnmower and he lost at least the tips of all of his fingers on his left hand.

Speaker 1:

Oh my heavens.

Speaker 2:

He, he. So he went into surgery that night and it was one of those moments where I was like, are you kidding me? Like what is wrong with our family? Like why do we have such bad luck? And I was kind of feeling sorry for myself and almost embarrassed to even like say out loud that this had happened, because we've had a lot of these kind of incidents. My daughter got in a fight with a blunder and shredded her hands like also hands like what is happening years later? So it was one of those moments where I was just me and Heavenly Father were having kind of a I was having a pity party and just kind of maybe a lecture, I don't know. But I said I was going, what is going on? And he kept like my answer, kept saying you need to share this and you need to ask for prayer warriors, and I'm like no, I'm, I can't believe our family always has some big traumatic thing happening. You know we have all been there those months.

Speaker 2:

So the next day I get a call in the morning from my daughter, who I'm going to make this short. She's on a mission in Mexico and had a really scary experience with an Uber who they think was trying to kidnap her and a couple other girls and luckily her got stuck in mud and they got out and luckily they had had alerted a car or another group to come and follow them. Anyways, blah, blah, blah. This has nothing to do with the trauma that happened or the people that I've lost, but something changed in my brain that day. This was a very traumatic experience for me as a mom to have these two things. Literally, she said. She got into the Uber as T was going into surgery and I had just put out a post saying I need prayer warriors. My son and people from all over the world are saying we're praying for your family, but I didn't.

Speaker 2:

The prayers helped my daughter and my son and eventually me, but it took me a while. Like I, those two experiences triggered some of my old grief that came up strong in it. I had been working through it for months. This happened in November, so we don't know when certain things, even if they don't feel related, are going to trigger our traumas and our loss from the past. And this is what this book is for is to help us realize that all of it's okay, no matter how it comes back up or how you're reminded of it or who you've lost. It's okay to experience the emotions, even if it feels like it was way long ago and you need to be over it. Sometimes you're just not, and sometimes your body's still holding on to some of that grief that you need to let go.

Speaker 1:

I think it's so, so true that loss is not just. You're sitting on the first pew at a funeral for your loved one, right I've, just as you were talking, I was thinking about a very dear friend of mine. A young adult recently went through a divorce. You know, no one's gone, no one's passed away, there was no funeral. But my heavens does she, and I'm sure her former husband, feel a significant sense of loss and grief for the marriage right? So it sounds like the book has value, no matter what kind of loss you're experiencing.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, I think we could get one in every home. I think that'd be awesome.

Speaker 1:

Let's make that happen. A chicken in every pot I think someone said that and a book in every home. So what is next after this? What else is Ashley working on, Because I know that we were talking before we began recording this episode that you get about two, three hours of sleep a night, whether you want it or not, because you never stop. You literally never breathe. What are you working on next?

Speaker 2:

Well, first of all, I actually do sleep a lot. My kids are on strict sleep schedule. Well, my little kids, it's the teenagers that actually keep me awake. But what I am working on I have about four children's books that will go with this series. Some of them will be a little more specific. Like I talked about my son who never got to meet his dad and that movie Onward kind of reminded him and brought that up for him. I have a specific book that'll be for a child who never got to meet their parent, who is healing without the memories that everybody else has.

Speaker 2:

So I have a bunch of different children's books that are going to be part of this little series that my daughter's going to help me illustrate and actually my son wants to illustrate that one. So I'm not even sure how they're all going to come out, but they're. They're going to be great. Yeah, I'm, I'm still working. I speak not as often as I used to on purpose. I am more specific on on how much I will speak, but I really enjoy speaking and getting to be in the room with people.

Speaker 1:

Awesome. Well, I don't know if we actually said Boston's name at some point, but we should, because the illustrations are fantastic. So I hope she's listening. Shout out to her for helping you create this. And I do see that it's listed on Amazon as the beginning of a series, so I can't wait to see what else is coming and I hope that you'll come back. I hope every time I have a new book out that you'll come back and talk about it, and I hope people listening will give the book a shot.

Speaker 1:

And you know what, if you're listening to the show right now and you're like you know what? I just I don't know. I don't know that I need this right now, let me invite you to pick it up anyway and to read it and then put it on your shelf so that you're ready when you do need it, because you will need it either for you or for a friend from church or a neighbor or a family member or a friend from work. And what a blessing it would be for you and for them if you're able to just pull that off the shelf and write a little note and say this is for you. I like that idea. What do you think?

Speaker 2:

I love it. That's great.

Speaker 1:

In the show notes I will put links to all of the good things that you are doing, that you have done. We'll link back to sort of your origin story a little bit maybe on your blog and your other titles on Amazon and we will have you back on the show. Thank you so much for giving us some time today.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much, Jason. Good to talk with you. Thank you.